Simulated wedding cake

How does one “invent” a simulation? Isn’t a simulation, by definition, a copy? And by simulating a wedding cake, wouldn’t one be inviting a black tie revolution? For goodness sake, let them eat cake.

But let us not judge too quickly. What sybaritic delights does such a sim-cake contain? Let me taunt your salivary glands with a description from the patent:

“a plurality of stackable layers oriented in a substantially vertical manner, one said plurality of layers defining a base and other said plurality of layers defining an apex, said plurality of layers having a centrally disposed longitudinal axis extending therethrough and further has top and bottom surfaces disposed thereabout, said plurality of layers further having a plurality of apertures formed therein and radially spaced about a perimeter thereof respectively.”

Geometrically delicious. Lick my radially spaced perimeter, Duncan Hines!

In case you didn’t know what was wrong with the traditional, multilayered, flour-based extravaganza, take a big slice of time-saving knowledge:

“wedding cakes commonly served at wedding parties need to be properly portioned, cut and placed on plates requiring the effort of someone skilled with the hands, a facility which all the attendees do not usually possess. The cake itself can be difficult or time consuming to make, and the whole event might require considerable clean up when completed.”

I mean, how long do you think this marriage is going to last?

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