Religious lamp with fluid flow

Jesus said in the book of John, “I am the light of the world.” Now have him light up your living room!

But of course, a light up Jesus would seem too simple to be patentable. But what if we add a little animatronics? According to the patent, “Jesus’ head rises with light actuation.” That’s right, wake him up right at his most painful moment.

But the spiritual uplift doesn’t end there. The inventor threw in some dripping blood pumps for that I-can’t-believe-how-much-this-guy-suffered-for-me effect.

Mel Gibson, why hast thou not pursued the merchandising tie-in?

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