Process for the utilization of ruminant animal methane emissions

UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention (thanks, MOH) that this device traps cow belches not farts. I apologize for the mischaracterization. Thankfully, it has lost none of its comic appeal. -DW 6/1/2006

Wow, wow, and wow. Twenty three months ago, I heard a voice that told me that if I looked through hundreds of thousands of patents, I would one day encounter an invention could save the planet. That day has come.

Global warming is no joke, and neither is a specially-designed garment for trapping cow farts belches.

Cows farts belches contain methane, a notorious greenhouse gas. This invention traps the nasty flatulence and pumps it through a “rubber diaphragm,” “plug balls,” an “outflow one-way flap sphincter,” and finally into into a special capsule. In the capsule, microorganisms consume the carbon-rich gas.

But these microorganisms not only breakdown the global-warming fumes. After their brief, micro-fabulous lives are over, the organisms can be harvested as useful biomass. According to the inventor, “Such biomass can be processed and sold as a nutritional foodstuff[!]”

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