Necessity is the mother of invention. The father is unknown.
The following patent was issued by the US Patent and Trademark Office on August 29, 2006.

Cucumber Sandwich

patent#: US D527165

Bookmark and Share

filed under Eats
view the full patent  | comments (9)
posted on 12/7/2006, patent issued on 8/29/2006

Readers keep asking, "Daniel, when are going to comment on the recent McDonald's sandwich patent application?" (1, 2) Well, I hate to say it folks, maybe never. I only tip my hat to true innovations—those deemed patentable by the supreme beings at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (the McDonald's applications haven't been approved yet). They know who's been naughty, who's been nice and who deserves a fourteen year limited monopoly.

Like this beauty, the Cucumber Sandwich!

Unlike McDonald's who needed a committee of three to come up with their painfully-smothered-in-a-special-sauce-of-legalese "Method and Apparatus for Making a Sandwich," the Cucumber Sandwich needed just one man, a knife, and a cucumber.

I prefer to celebrate the little guy. McDonald's knows that even bad press is good press. All the attention they've received for their "meat and/or cheese filling" in a "bread cavity" has given them yet another reason to roll around in their pit of plastic balls filled with money at the McExecutive PlayPlace.

I prefer to feature Alexander Stenzel of Pacific Palisades, CA, whose only English-language Google result appears to be in relation to this elegantly crafted raw food masterpiece. I salute Alexander and his unprecented use of a cucumber: It's simple, it's elegant, and it's fashion model-friendly. Mr. Stenzel, you deserve a break today.

Cucumber Sandwich

Comments on Cucumber Sandwich

Daniel | Dec 4, 2008 2:01 AM
Red B, such are the mysteries of design patents.

Red B' | Dec 4, 2008 2:00 AM
How does the C.S work? If you could work that out you'd be as smart and perceptive as the patent holder and those above who have worked it out. I couldn't see anything at all at, But, like you, I DON'T GET IT! I found this, CLAIM: 1. The ornamental design for a cucumber sandwich, as shown and described(sic) How does the twilight Zone music go?

Fashiongirl | Dec 10, 2006 6:01 AM
It's the worstest thing i ever seen.

krazar | Dec 6, 2006 11:00 PM
That is so ridiculous I can't even like it. Idiot.

Rachel | Dec 2, 2006 4:00 AM
I think it is wonderful, I think I am going to try it, my choice of filling? beanthread noodles, avocado cilantro maybe little tofu strips.... and dip it in a thai chili garlic.... It makes a perfect spring roll only easy to eat and transportable... as for it's offensiveness? Come on who doesn't want to play with that image? I think the uncomfortable commenter should read the book "CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN BECAUSE....."

| Dec 1, 2006 5:02 PM
Maybe it's clever, but how do you eat this when everybody in the place is pointing and laughing hysterically? In chinese cuisine short pieces of cucumber are hollowed out and stuffed with ground pork and rice and steamed, but these are small pieces, like one or two bites. Watching a person eating this sandwich would be....disturbing, on so many levels. Just because a thing is possible is not sufficient reason to make it happen. Oh, and "Fashion-model friendly", what does THAT mean? One sick puppy, man, seek help.

madcap | Dec 1, 2006 2:01 AM
R2K: I believe it's meant to be used with 'meat and/or cheese filling'.

R2K | Nov 2, 2005 7:00 PM
I love that idea! Better than all the penis stuff.

fishmorgjp | Nov 2, 2005 8:02 AM
Huh? At first glace, I thought this was a design for some kind of condom. How does this cucumber sandwich work? It seems to be hollow -- is it meant to be filled with mashed potatoes or peanut butter, or what?

Post a Comment

Fill out form and click Submit only once.
Offensive and spam comments will be deleted

Comments are temporarily closed