Necessity is the mother of invention. The father is unknown.
The following patent was issued by the US Patent and Trademark Office on December 12, 2006.

Penile Volumetric Measuring Device patent#: US 7147609 filed under Impotence view the full patent  | comments (15) posted on 12/15/2006, patent issued on 12/12/2006 Penis size: For too long (puns are inevitable when discussing the subject), it has escaped the rigorous analysis of modern science and has been left prone to self-serving exaggeration. Thankfully, one fearless inventor has arrived to clear the field of biased pseudoscience: "Throughout history, there has been discussion and focus on the human male sex organ. Generally, having a large penis is seen as more masculine and manly than having a small penis. Well-endowed male pornography stars are looked at by many with admiration and envy due to the size of their penis." "there is a remarkable lack of convenient and accurate methods for measuring the penis. Most men merely take a ruler and measure the size of their penis in inches. However, to adequately describe the size of a penis the length alone is not enough. Nor is it enough to know the diameter at an arbitrary point. The penis is not shaped like a true cylinder, but rather it has a more complicated shape. Therefore, a method for measuring the size of a penis needs to account for the unusual shape and size of the human penis." In the short 22 centuries since Archimedes first shouted Eureka from his bathtub, inventor Jason Turner has applied the same techniques of fluid displacement to accurately measure the one-eyed trouser snake. Of course, scientific breakthroughs can often be met with fierce resistance: Knowledge is power, but the truth, if small enough, can hurt.

Comments on Penile Volumetric Measuring Device

black man | Feb 21, 2008 9:43 PM
will it measure any size??

Runescape accounts | Sep 29, 2007 1:30 AM
we I mean is to use it, don't measure it

Runescape accounts | Sep 29, 2007 1:25 AM
I don't like this kind of thing that's rediculious

Realistic Dildo Penis | Jun 1, 2007 4:01 PM
Do we really need a devise to measure penis size? Just give me a dildo. Then I don't need to worry about a man's erection or how big he is. A dildo is performs every time.

JandJ | Apr 6, 2007 10:54 PM
Does it take into account cold weather usage for those of us in cold climates? lol

Andy Mathieson Cheater | Mar 8, 2007 10:52 PM
I bought the device but it was too big for me & I couldn't use it. Do you think they make smaller ones? amathieson@amerexenergy.co.uk

EastBayAnt | Feb 7, 2007 7:00 PM
But can I use it to measure the Cucumber Sandwich (http://www.patentlysilly.com/patent.php?patID=D527165) ?

Andrew Mathieson Cheater | Jan 28, 2007 4:18 AM
I think I would buy the device. Would allow my smaller friends to borrow it ..? amathieson@amerexenergy.co.uk

Daniel | Jan 20, 2007 1:17 PM
This invention is very good, but if it would sell in the real world is another thing...guess time well tell if made for sale.

Mike Garrett | Jan 17, 2007 11:02 PM
What is part# 17 made of? If it is robust enough to form a seal, which would be pretty important, how do you remove Mr. Happy without severe tissue damage? Also, what's the point? Last time I looked,(and wasn't that fun?), the ladies are pretty much "one size fits all" in that department. If you are so prodigious as to make any difference the object of your affection would take one look and run like....whatever. Obsess about something useful like world peace or feeding the hungry. Sheesh, your creeping me out!

AgentG | Jan 8, 2007 5:13 PM
I claim a measurement scale that can be modified by the user to correspond to a size we all know is well deserved. Also, the sealing portion of the device looks sharp and pointy...ouch! Finally, those with foreskins will come out ahead (no escaping those puns) with this device.

momomomomomo | Jan 6, 2007 2:37 PM
I feel that this invention would be an immediate seller, if not only for the compulsion of the male psychi to know how big their 'thing' is, but because their friends want to know. Also, it might just last long enough to entertain teenagers to prevent them from drunk driving... :)

quidnunct | Jan 1, 2007 12:43 AM
Someone had waaaaay too much time (or other things, cough cough) on his hands.

Cheryl | Dec 27, 2006 2:22 PM
lets invent a clitorus measuring device. I think women and men need to know.

Alex | Dec 15, 2006 2:52 PM
Hilariously funny description of the device and like all good inventions simple and pretty effective. I suppose demanding partners could use it on a first date to see if the guy measures up. It would give true quantitative data on your prospective bedfellow.

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