Necessity is the mother of invention. The father is unknown.
The following patent was issued by the US Patent and Trademark Office on June 14, 2005.

Device for Treating Erectile Dysfunction patent#: US 6905459 filed under Impotence view the full patent  | comments (18) posted on 8/3/2006, patent issued on 6/14/2005 A high tech erection machine? Tell me more Mr. Inventor, (aka, Arthur Humphries of Atlanta, Georgia): "Some of the reports indicate that ejaculation and orgasm three times a week is healthful." If three times a week is is "healthful", I'm a river of watercress with tofu banks and tahini waterfalls. So how does this high-tech hard-on machine work?: "Once the user pulls himself into the chamber so that his legs extend out the rear of the chamber and the front wall is located approximately at his waist, he is in a position to begin the mental foreplay that is preferred prior to applying suction to the chamber." Mental foreplay? I come here for a boner and you want me to play Sudoku? "This mental foreplay can include stimulating photographs.." Oh, okay, looking at porn counts? Sweet. Wish you had told me before I sealed myself in this box. "... and/or manually manipulating the sexual organ with his hands." Wait, "manual manipulation" counts as "mental foreplay?" Looks like you're covering both your physically- and mentally-challenged demographics. I didn't realize the Americans with Disabilites Act had a Woody clause, but if so, you, sir, have complied. "Once the user becomes manually stimulated, he depresses a switch with his foot or any other means to turn on the vacuum pump. The vacuum pump creates a negative pressure within the chamber that increases blood flow into the penis that produces an erection." At last, the only negative pressure in the bedroom won't be, "Do you look fat? Yes, and luckily sex is the best exercise." Alright, what's next?: "At this point in time, the user can masturbate to obtain an orgasm or if he prefers, he can place a restrictive device such as a rubber band on the penis adjacent the junction of the body so as to hold the penis in an erected position to enable him to complete the sexual activity with a partner." So you wank, turn on a vacuum, and then just wank again? Or tie off your penis like a piece of balloon sculpture? Perhaps there's something here I'm not getting. Perhaps I am just too young to play with such toys.

Comments on Device for Treating Erectile Dysfunction

stefan de beer | Apr 24, 2009 2:38 AM

Will Roger | Oct 24, 2008 2:57 PM
I have a penis so small it scares people. What can I do about this?

helena | Feb 5, 2008 10:32 PM
yes i love ed

mateus black | Sep 19, 2007 5:51 PM
You know i had 5 months with out sex why this ED f***** problem you know she try with new sexy pantys and all that things but Nothing, so to hell, brougth a drug call levitra and bye ED you know my wife think that i am a bull again jeje also looking for a pretty girl to yes there are side effect but nothing to worry now that everyone in this forum need somenthing for ED well look inside this site where i buy all this things also you can look all the side effects good luck to anyone www.trustedprescrptionsonline.com

Bob Bennton | Aug 31, 2007 6:30 AM
Just found out I had ED. Need people to talk to.

Babalooo | Aug 2, 2007 1:20 PM
Well... since i got this Sponge Bob style metal pair of underwear I have to tell you... i find it difficult to keep the womenfolk at bay. The moment they find out is an all out competition for them ladies to come home with me and see this ridiculous, preposterous, very possibly dangerous contraption attached to my midsection while I wisper sweet nothings in their ears, trying to drown the noise of the vacuum pump and their hysterical laughter. I'm thinking of coming up with a portable version. Wait until i show up at the bar on singles night wearing that! I can't wait.

speedwayhk | Jul 31, 2007 12:04 AM
good ideas!It give some people hope.

Mayko | Jul 23, 2007 9:58 AM
essa é pra ti

dave | Jul 13, 2007 11:52 PM
I made one for my personal use at home since I can't keep a girlfriend for longer than two weeks.

Mr. Ruys | Apr 26, 2007 9:56 PM
i cant wait 2 get this nifty machine! tar

mama lou | Apr 26, 2007 9:56 PM
And it is so sexy to watch! Considering that sex with a partner is the intended... um... happy ending. I love waiting while my partner inserts himself into a strange box-machine before sex!

akiko-saito@jrei.jp | Jan 22, 2007 6:21 AM
lucky

akiko-saito@jrei.jp | Jan 22, 2007 6:19 AM

El father | Nov 15, 2006 11:19 AM
I love this machine....It Really works..

Token | Sep 10, 2006 10:41 PM
This thing is uber koo

Terry | Aug 4, 2006 12:36 PM
Now did this butthole invent this before or after the handheld penis pump?

Sue | Aug 3, 2006 5:53 PM
This has to be the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

Geoff | Aug 3, 2006 9:36 AM
i wonder if this machine is safe to use for premature ejaculators? will that damage any of its circuits or anything?

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