Solo-Operable Seesaw

patent#: US 6872145

filed under Toys
view the full patent  | comments (4)
posted on 5/12/2005, patent issued on 3/29/2005

The pictorial definition of the word "loner".

Why is an invention like this necessary? The inventor claims that demand is on the rise due to declining birth rates. (Hey, only-child, ever hear of a pogo stick?) But the real inspiration came from the schoolyard bully:

"a seesaw plank can be a dangerous object in the hands of a mischievous child who may abruptly pull down on one end when another child is passing by the opposite end, causing the opposite end to rise quickly and potentially striking the passing child."

I never thought I'd see 8-year old bullying tactics so accurately described in a government document. It's like Abu Ghraib, kiddy style:

"because the seesaw operates on the principle of counterbalancing weights, injury can result if a rider suddenly falls or jumps off the seesaw while the opposing rider is high in the air, particularly if one rider is substantially heavier than the other. In this scenario, the opposing rider is sent crashing to the ground and the sudden impact may jar a child's joints or cause spine or tailbone injuries."

Too bad Fatty, your superior weight and clever use of gravity has been stripped from your arsenal.