Necessity is the mother of invention. The father is unknown.
The following patent was issued by the US Patent and Trademark Office on December 21, 2004.

Article of Clothing with a Novel Attachment Means patent#: US 6832983 filed under Dildos and Vibrators, Bathing Suits view the full patent  | comments (22) posted on 12/21/2004, patent issued on 12/21/2004 Don't put your clothes on, put them IN! (In your anus, your vagina, whatever you've got to work with). Inventor John Mott Goodman has patented an entirely new way to hang clothing--snap them into your genitals. Tired of that thong creeping up your bum? Your best solution might be to jam it in further. This invention holds your clothes in place by snapping them onto a bulb that is inserted into your vagina and/or rectum. Don't just cover your orifices, fill them in as well! Goodman lays the case for his role in the evolution of fashion: "The purposes for holding garments on one's body are to protect one from the environment, for modesty, and to conform to the dictates of fashion. And, of course, to avoid losing them altogether." "Modesty or decency are terms that vary by culture. But in almost all cultures the minimum requirements include covering the external genitalia [penis and testicles for men, and vaginal lips for women], plus the anus. In many cultures women are also required to cover their breasts (at least the nipples and areolae). Some cultures require more coverage than this minimum, but for swimwear and underwear in particular, any such additional coverage is fast becoming optional. " The female versions come in three sizes--Lolita, Regular, and M.I.L.F.: "A young woman or girl might need a very small extension, whereas a woman who is sexually active might need a larger one, and a woman who has had several children might need a still larger one." No word on the mens' sizes. The inventor claims that his swimsuits may be safer than currently existing options. The garment can be put on "without having to lift either leg, thus allowing one to minimize the risk of falling over" Vibrating bulbs are optional.

Comments on Article of Clothing with a Novel Attachment Means

Frank | Feb 21, 2008 9:47 PM
It wont hide cellulite though...

kiev | Jan 25, 2008 6:16 AM
Ha! Very nice idia! Do you have Prototype?

Stellenbosch Accommodation | Jan 5, 2008 1:57 PM
Guess that it is supposed to be the new design of a swimsuite in 2008 - not too bad!

MUNCHKIN | Dec 27, 2006 3:57 PM
ooooooooo What a grreat idea! Immagine being at a party and having a smile on your face all nite. Attatch an attatchment (remote for sure) and your Dom can have the time of his life. I want him to get one for me.

Ally | Oct 10, 2006 10:06 PM
makes one wonder what the inventor had in mind. where exactly would you where it? the local strip club? wow. it'd be like a permanent tampon. TSS anyone? one problem with the whole "safer" bit. you kind of have to bend over, and hmm, bending over while sticking a knob up two orifices isn't the easiest thing in the world. this particular invention isn't quite the trend of the future. but maybe some local prostitutes can use it as a gimmick.

Herb Moyer | Jun 21, 2006 2:24 AM
3 words come to mind, Toxic Shock Syndrome... Anyway, why stop there. Theres no need for the bathing suit to have a neck strap, just insert the top part directly into each nipple.

Tre | May 30, 2006 5:13 PM
that's wrong in so many levels... lol

johnny | May 3, 2005 3:00 PM
what are you are nun?

Dude | Mar 7, 2005 6:27 PM
Improvement! Have the bulb attached to a pump so that it can compensate for size. Colon been active throughout the day? Just twist the valve and let some air out!

| Feb 11, 2005 12:39 PM
whats a vagina?

Jack | Jan 25, 2005 12:40 PM
dude ! you must be an extermely lonely person...Dun tell me ur name is robinson crusio.... But it might be..Have fun with ur invention

reofbl | Jan 7, 2005 12:23 AM
Lol, this is pretty good. For a laugh, anyhow. As a guy, I can't understand many of the concessions girls will make for the sake of fashion. All the same, I somehow doubt most women today would accept this. Then again.... I know some rather indescriminate girls that will be more than willing to buy anything you claim that they can stick up their vagina in public that'll vibrate. Still thinking about it.. I guess some girls may be kinda open to things up their vaginas.. but who the hell would want a bulb stuck up their butt? On second thought, if you can answer this question, please don't!

Asa Stone | Jan 6, 2005 4:20 PM
This patent is reminiscent of the first ever bikini related joke told in the late '50s by Red Skelton on his weekly TV show. To wit: Boy, bikinis are really getting small. Have you seen the latest? Two band-aids and a cork. Furthermore, as a teenager viewing the Follies Bergere in Paris, members in my party discussed at great length how a small rhinestone studded triangle managed to stay in place on one of the strippers. Remembering Red Skelton, I suggested "a cork." The ladies thought the idea logical, but it turned out that the answer was by means of a very thin mesh not visible to the audience. I hope that these prior publications made more than one year before the present application was made do not invalidate this patent.

ladybug | Jan 6, 2005 9:36 AM
that looks painful!! you gotta be kidding me. amazing what crazy things ppl think up

kevin stanley | Jan 4, 2005 8:12 PM
HI artemis I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chicken butt | Jan 4, 2005 6:02 PM
i would

jcc | Jan 3, 2005 4:36 PM
yea, bring out the gimp!

Artemis | Jan 2, 2005 9:52 PM
yoiks,, where are you suposed to wear that?

unknown | Jan 1, 2005 8:41 PM
I want 1, wer can i get, nice!

Greg | Jan 1, 2005 8:22 PM
I guess they aren't going with the "One size THRILLS all" quote. he he he

| Dec 31, 2004 5:32 PM
works great for me

Adrienne | Dec 31, 2004 5:19 PM
wow, no thank you, i would not like something inserted into my vagina

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