Attachment for blade of hockey stick

Minnesota resident Martin Dehen has come up with a new use for the hockey stick – cleaning up yard waste. As the inventor notes, it’s great for the nasty stuff, especially “rotten hornet-infested crab apples and dog waste [see illustration].” Why a hockey stick? Well, first consider the inventor’s earlier options:

“If the waste is to be flung by hand to a desired location such as a compost heap, the waste may crumble upon the head of one who throws the waste.”

As I believe the great Thomas Edison once said, “There’s nothing that inspires my inventive prowess quite like a scalp full of crumbling dog sh*t.”

An ordinary person would simply shake the dust off, pour vasts sums of money into fancy shampoos, and accept this faecal dandruff as part of being a responsible homeowner. But as an inventor, Dehen goes to the root of the problem: Why fling dried dog shit with one’s hand when the good Lord (and Canadians) have given us a stick that can hit an object “with great force, with great control, and over a relatively great distance”?

Sorry, monkeys, you’re not the only poop-flinging game in town anymore.

Update: These are being marketed as Turd Burglars and are on sale at the official website Be sure to check out the games page (“Poopie Pants” or “Iraqi Hockey anyone?) and the testimonials page. My favorite line:

“Crocodile Tears were running down her face as she cried foul ‘no fair Skip always gets to clean up the poop and I never get any fun.'”

Fear not Little Trixie I have a feeling there will be more.

Congratulations to inventor Martin Dehen for getting his invention out there and on the market!”

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