Patently Silly :: Archives ::

The following patents were issued by the US Patent and Trademark Office in .

Post Mortem Reconstitution of Circulation

patent#: US 6824389

While standing by the Pearly Gate,
A soul had a tormenting wait.
St. Peter said "Sorry,
But I'll have to bar Thee,
'Til your blood doesn't circulate."

filed under Medicine
more | comments (2)
posted on 11/30/2004, patent issued on 11/30/2004

Post Mortem Reconstitution of Circulation

Gene Related to Migraine in Man

patent#: US 6825332

Discovering the cause of the migraine,
Will hopefully end a lot of pain,
But to patent the gene,
Seems a little obscene,
Since it already exists in the brain.

filed under Medicine, DNA
more | comments (4)
posted on 11/30/2004, patent issued on 11/30/2004

Transgenic Non-Human Mammals Expressing the Human Complement Inhibitor (DAF/CD55)

patent#: US 6825395

There once was a sow named Annabelle,
(a.k.a. a non-human animal)
In a DNA shaker,
Science can make her,
Tasty enough for a cannibal.

filed under Genetically Modified, DNA
more | comments (0)
posted on 11/30/2004, patent issued on 11/30/2004

Micro robot where'd you go,
After entering my heiny hole?
With your micro-camera taking micro-pictures,
Will you make it past my anal strictures?
If you'd kindly come out, do not fear,
I won't lend you out to Richard Gere.

(Yes, it's a robot that crawls up your butt.)

filed under Medicine, Robots
more | comments (1)
posted on 11/30/2004, patent issued on 11/30/2004

Sphincter Exerciser

patent#: US 6824500

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
I defecated involuntarily.
But my delight was my neighbors woe,
And I began to yearn for keister control.

I left on a five-year meditation,
That ended with this revelation,
"Only an excerciser, not a thinker.
Can solve the riddle of the Sphinx-ter."

filed under Medicine
more | comments (5)
posted on 11/30/2004, patent issued on 11/30/2004

Convenient Tailgate Seat

patent#: US 6824186

A Cowboys fan named Rob
Gave his pickup a custom job.
But don't sit on his gate,
If he inebriates,
He might back you into a Saab.

filed under Cars
more | comments (2)
posted on 11/30/2004, patent issued on 11/30/2004

Power Assembly for Ornicopter

patent#: US 6824094

What is this thing that was invented?
A flying machine from a mind demented?
Can you race one in a race?
Or fly one up to outer space?
Can you take one to the prom?
Try contacting Rich at ornithopter.com

filed under Planes
more | comments (0)
posted on 11/30/2004, patent issued on 11/30/2004