The following patents were issued by the US Patent and Trademark Office in .
Device for the Quick and Easy Use of a Small Size Cellular Telephonepatent#: US 6796467A quick-draw cell phone, similar to Robert Deniro's handgun sling in Taxi Driver (which, by the way, was actually patented way back in 1933. filed under Cell Phones |  |
 | Contact Activated Sound and Light Generating Novelty Food Containerspatent#: US 6796671For those of you that like a little "juice" with your sweets. From toy company Ruddell Design, this patent covers straws, spoons, and ice pops that use YOU or your food to complete an electrical circuit. Its sure to give an exra jolt on top of the sugar rush. filed under Utensils |
"Peanut Butter Batter" Pancake Mixpatent#: US 6797310A patent on peanut butter pancakes? This seems to be one of the few peanut inventions that George Washington Carver overlooked, but surely these have been around for a while. At least Google has heard of them. I don't know how some of these patents get through, but when we start getting into Grandma's family recipes, me gets mad. filed under Eats |
 | Methods for Automated Essay Analysispatent#: US 6796800Didn't think standardized tests could become any more dehumanizing? I can think of no exam process more humbling than having an essay read and graded by a computer program. Yeah Mr. Computer Program, I'd like to see you write an essay. I'd like to see you get up every morning and go to high-school. filed under School |
Breast Implant Sizing Apparatus and Methodpatent#: US 6796875A try-before-you-buy approach to breast implants.
filed under Breast "Enhancement", Underwear |  |
 | Apparatus and Method for Processing Wormspatent#: US 6796893Apparently, worm torture doesn't end with childhood, it gets more sophisticated. In the hands of an amateur, a worm would be cut in half widthwise. This high-tech apparatus, however, uses centrifugal force to split them lengthwise, making it easier to remove the nasty parts. Worm milkshake anyone? filed under Agriculture, Wild |
Apparatus and Process for Sending a Wireless Directional Signal Containing Personal Informationpatent#: US 6799035Do you want to be a smooth operator like the guy in this picture? Be oh, so cool, as you beam your digits to women as they walk down the street with out any idea who you are. Yeah, I'm sure she'll call you back. filed under Cell Phones |  |
 | Laser Guided Putting Aid and Alignment Devicepatent#: US 6796910For those of you that really don't trust your instincts... Golf balls are projectiles much like missles, so why not used advanced weapon technology on the green? Something tells me there's more honor in closing your eyes and using "the force". I bet it's cheaper, too. filed under Golf |
Golf Ball Dimples with a Catenary Curve Profilepatent#: US 6796912How does that Allen Ginsburg poem go, "I saw the greatest minds of my generation destroyed by golf..." Isn't that right?
filed under Golf |  |
 | Golf Exercise Treadmillpatent#: US D496699This is no ordinary treadmill, this is for "golf exercise" only. What's the difference between "golf exercise" and "walking"? Good question. I have no idea. Perhaps you can wear plaid instead of spandex? You can stop for a beer after 100 yards? There's a large Korean caddy named Odd-Job who will carry you if you get tired? filed under Golf |
