Patently Silly :: Archives :: Animals

Bear Derived Isolate and Method

patent#: US 6855337

There's a lot we have to learn from bears before we drive them to extinction. For example, hibernating bears can go for five months without eating, drinking, urinating or defecating! If we can harness these secrets think of all the extra Playstation 2 time we'll have.

Unfortunately, to obtain this magical isolate someone needs to get "a sample of urine or serum taken from a fasting bear from which food has been withheld for two weeks or more." Hopefully, this brave soul will be equipped with a Robocop-inspired Bear-Proof Suit.

filed under Medicine, Wild
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posted on 3/29/2005, patent issued on 2/15/2005

Apparatus and Method for Processing Worms

patent#: US 6796893

Apparently, worm torture doesn't end with childhood, it gets more sophisticated. In the hands of an amateur, a worm would be cut in half widthwise. This high-tech apparatus, however, uses centrifugal force to split them lengthwise, making it easier to remove the nasty parts. Worm milkshake anyone?

filed under Agriculture, Wild
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posted on 9/28/2004, patent issued on 9/28/2004

Dolphin Fin Swimming Accessory

patent#: US D494652

This little accessory is meant to be worn "while swimming with dolphins in the wild, to assist the swimmer with imitating the underwater maneuvers of the dolphins." It also helps in scaring the crap out of tourists on the Jersey Shore.

filed under In the Water, Wild
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posted on 8/17/2004, patent issued on 8/17/2004