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Cross USB Drive

patent#: US D533179

Because Jesus saves.

filed under Computers, Made Fun
more | comments (2)
posted on 3/31/2008, patent issued on 12/5/2006

Voice Communication Concerning a Local Entity

patent#: US 7113911

This has to be one of the strangest patent illustrations I've ever seen. Is this the future of telephone help lines? "I am a plant. How can I help you?"

The patent explains:

The voice services thus acts as a voice dialog proxy for the plant and gives the impression to the person... that they are conversing with the plant.

And what a stimulating conversation that will be! "How are the seedlings doing? Your leaves are looking lovely—photosynthesis sure has been kind!"

If you've ever wanted "voice interaction with a local dumb device" might I suggest going to your local pub?

filed under For the Garden, Computers
more | comments (2)
posted on 10/16/2008, patent issued on 9/26/2006

Method of Producing Gold Nanoparticle

patent#: US 7060121

Most likely these nanoparticles will be used as conductors in nano-scale devices, but it could usher in a whole new fad of NANOBLING! That's micro micro micro bling. Micro-cubed, son! Sure big jewelry is much easier to see, but it's also much easier to make – it's so old school it's Bronze Age.

If we want to launch the nano-revolution we need rappers to plug not Jacob the Jeweller, but inventors like Hsing Kuang Lin and Daniel Edward Walsh who are kicking it Gold Rush Alaskan-style. We need the the aspiring Jay-Z's of the world to come up with lyrics like:

Ultraviolet irradiation of Langmuir-Blodgett films of octadecylamine,
4-hexadecylaniline
and benzyldimethylstearylammonium
chloride monohydrate deposited from aqueous HAuCl.sub.4 subphases
was tested to generate gold nanoparticles, bitch!

filed under Jewelry, Computers
more | comments (13)
posted on 6/23/2006, patent issued on 6/13/2006

Metal-Over-Metal Devices and the Method for Manufacturing Same

patent#: US 6949781

What remnants of Fascism lurk in your computer? The swastika makes an unexpected reappearance in this recently patented microchip capacitor. Hey, a good shape is a good shape. When it comes to processor speeds, there's no time for political correctness.

filed under Computers
more | comments (5)
posted on 10/12/2005, patent issued on 9/27/2005

Data Transmission System Using a Human Body as a Signal Transmission Path

patent#: US 6864780

When a handshake is more than just a handshake...

This technology is well under development by Matsushita for a wide range of applications from unlocking doors, personal identification, electronic payments

This picture makes me want to send a Kurtis Blow mp3 through my body and bust out with a robot.

filed under Computers
more | comments (6)
posted on 4/19/2005, patent issued on 3/8/2005

Data Transmission System Using a Human Body as a Signal Transmission Path

Computer Mouse for Electronic Therapy

patent#: US 6847846

This mouse purportedly can heal its user by "applying the Chinese ancient principles of acupuncture." The mouse heals by sending "a strong pulse of electric current" though the user's hand. I wonder how the Yellow Emperor, who wrote the first treatise on acupuncture in 2700 BC, would react if knew that his ancient wisdom could one day be mastered by any masochist with an internet connection and a USB port? He'd probably roll over on his bed of nails.

Coming soon to your company's S&M supply closet.

filed under Computers
more | comments (1)
posted on 3/7/2005, patent issued on 1/25/2005

Instrument for Contemplation

patent#: US 6830455

Something to contemplate: How am I going to pay for these six computers?

If you want to contemplate something completely incomprehensible, try reading this patent application. Seriously, I dare you. Bonus points if you can explain it to us.

filed under Computers
more | comments (29)
posted on 12/14/2004, patent issued on 12/14/2004

Data Transmission System Using a Human Body as a Signal Transmission Path

patent#: US 6771161

There once was a horny housewife,
Whose libido was especially a-live,
I was working at my desk,
When she put her mouth on my sex.
She swallowed the contents of my hard drive!

filed under Computers
more | comments (0)
posted on 8/3/2004, patent issued on 8/3/2004