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Seasonal Multicultural Hat

patent#: US D501980

Dear Lord, forgive him for getting confused,
He thought Christmas was for him and not you.
And he knows that it was wrong,
When he put his new hat on,
Screaming, "I'm Santa Claus, King of the Jews."

filed under Christmas
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posted on 4/4/2005, patent issued on 2/22/2005

Seasonal Multicultural Hat
Motion-Generating Illuminated Inflatable Decoration

Motion-Generating Illuminated Inflatable Decoration

patent#: US 6786793

WARNING: Stop reading now if you believe in Santa Claus.

It pains me to say it, but Santa is full of hot air. Literally. Not from sliding down smoky fireplaces, but from rapidly inflating when you walk in front of his "magical motion sensor."

Ho, ho, holy sh**! Get that freaky thing off your lawn.

filed under Christmas
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posted on 9/7/2004, patent issued on 9/7/2004

System for Character-Child Interaction with Adult Character Control

patent#: US 6785824

In this age of online predators, do you want your child to be emailing some stranger in a dark room pretending to be Santa Claus?

Of course you do. Only you want that stranger to be you.

This is a process that enables you to maintain this front of falsehood in ways never imagined. You not only get to give presents disguised as the Bearded One, you also get to use his email address.

filed under , Christmas
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posted on 8/31/2004, patent issued on 8/31/2004

System for Character-Child Interaction with Adult Character Control