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Lap Dance Liner

patent#: US RE039371

It is said that Thomas Edison's laboratory went through over a hundred thousand failed prototypes for each successful invention. One can only hope that in the quest for his perfect liner, Wesley K. Johnson went through that many lap dances.

I don't think this invention needs much explanation, but one sentence in this patent surprised me. The inventor points out that the pouch "captures fluids released prior to, and during the lap dance act." Prior to? Now that's excitable!

filed under Underwear, Condoms
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posted on 6/16/2010, patent issued on 10/31/2006

Lap Dance Liner
Condom with Inflatable Portion

Condom with Inflatable Portion

patent#: US 6895967

The title and picture pretty much say it all – this rubber provides extra girth when you need it. But don't just pump, and, well, pump. A well placed squeeze can do wonders. This jimmy hat can be "repetitively inflated and deflated at desired times," much like the man's ego when he's told, "Yes, I want to sleep with you, but can we do something about that anorexic worm you call a penis?"

Like all good things there is some risk involved (though this is far from the riskiest I've seen). In the heat of the moment, a forearm might spasm and this thing is going to pop like bubble wrap in a porcupine nest. Next thing, the manufacturer is getting sued for child support payments and gonorrhea salve.

I shouldn't knock it until I've tried it, but personally, I can think of more enjoyable ways of getting blown. Common sense will tell you, balloons and pricks are best kept separate.

filed under Condoms
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posted on 6/9/2006, patent issued on 5/24/2005

Magnetic Condom

patent#: US 6863070

There once was a man from Fort Worth,
Who, to prevent an unwanted birth,
Preferred a shield,
With a magnetic field,
And he always knew which way was north.

This condom provides "static magnetic field therapy" which is supposed to increase blood flow to the region. The magnetic cock ring must already be patented.

filed under Condoms
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posted on 4/19/2005, patent issued on 3/8/2005

Magnetic Condom