Patently Silly :: Archives :: Hanging Out

I had heard of snorting coke off of a strippers tits, but taking a bong hit out of her vagina?

This "water pipe providing sexual stimulation" seems to be just too depraved to be true. In instances such as this, I find it best to let the patent do the talking:

"The lower end cooperates with the wall of the vagina to form a water reservoir holding water in the lower end and the vagina. A stem is received into the inlet port with an end opening submerged in the water reservoir. Suction applied at the exit port draws air through the stem to bubble through the water reservoir to generate stimulatory vibrations transmitted to the vagina. Optionally, a bowl holding combustible material communicates with the stem such that smoke bubbles through the water reservoir to simultaneously filter and cool the smoke and generate stimulatory vibrations."

I don't doubt that the experience is pleasurable, but pleasurable enough for a woman to allow bong water in her vagina? Perhaps the only thing not surprising about this patent is that it was invented in Vegas. Hopefully, it will stay there.

filed under Drugs, Dildos and Vibrators
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posted on 2/12/2007, patent issued on 10/17/2006

Delivery of Caffeine Through an Inhalation Route

patent#: US 7078016

There's nothing quite like the smell of coffee in the morning, but let's face it – we don't drink it for the flavor, we drink it for the caffeine. So why wait for coffee to brew when we can just snort the caffeine directly into our addicted little nostrils? I want to be caffeinated, and I want to be caffeinated NOW!

If you've ever worked in an office building, you've probably noticed how corporations are more that happy to provide their employees with free coffee, tea, cola beverages, etc. – anything with a healthy dose of stimulating jitter juice. This invention puts caffeine into an aerosol. So, productivity manager, why waste valuable office space on a kitchen, when you can just pipe the stuff directly into the climate control system?

filed under Drugs
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posted on 9/27/2006, patent issued on 7/18/2006

Method for Introducing a Powdered Substance Into a Nostril

patent#: US 6811543

"Oh, go blow it up yer nose!"

That sounds like Irish slang that I heard in a movie once. For sure, it's how this little straw works. One end goes in your mouth, one end goes up your nose. I wouldn't recommend sharing it with others.

Now, on to the "powdered substance" itself... Who's patenting drug paraphernalia? Why wasn't this invented in the 80's? Who's still doing cocaine?

filed under Drugs
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posted on 11/2/2004, patent issued on 11/2/2004

Method for Introducing a Powdered Substance Into a Nostril

Applicator for Insertion of Cargo Into a Body Cavity

patent#: US 6786883

Put the "cargo" in your "body cavity" and get on the next flight leaving Bogota...

filed under Drugs
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posted on 9/7/2004, patent issued on 9/7/2004

Drugs