Patently Silly :: Archives :: Hanging Out

Alcoholic Beverages Derived from Animal Extract

patent#: US 7037541

Perhaps you never thought this day would come. Perhaps you thought alcoholic ingenuity reached its apex with Zima. Well, inventor Kineo Okada of Tokyo has given you a new reason to raise your glass... there's a whole new breed of booze on its way and it's made of animals!

Okada is the President of Ariake Japan Company (too bad Beefeaters is taken), whose service mark is "The Fine Flavors of Nature." Fine indeed. I can't wait to swirl my glass and enjoy an aromatic blend of "beef, pork, mutton, chicken, duck, and turkey." So long, Pizza Hut, this guy knows how to treat a carnivore.

Now, just how bloody do you like your Bloody Mary?

filed under Drinks, Drinking
more | comments (10)
posted on 5/26/2006, patent issued on 5/2/2006

Bottle Cap Necktie

patent#: US D509944

Wow your co-workers this casual Friday with a stylin' tribute to your favorite brew. If only Pabst Blue Ribbon came in bottles...

filed under Ties, Drinking
more | comments (9)
posted on 10/28/2005, patent issued on 9/27/2005

Strap-on Waste Container

patent#: US 6874936

At last a hands free barf bag. Never drive drunk without one. I mean, uh, don't drive drunk at all! Be a responsible driver and pass these out to all the ne'er-do-wells in the back seat. Long live clean upholstery!

filed under Drinking
more | comments (3)
posted on 5/27/2005, patent issued on 4/5/2005

Remote Control Toy Vehicle

patent#: US 6857930

"Americans love their beer. Whether they are playing poker, watching a football game, or just relaxing with friends, having cold beers on hand is an absolute necessity."

Watch the game, get a beer, never give up your seat.

filed under Drinking
more | comments (7)
posted on 4/4/2005, patent issued on 2/22/2005

Activated Charcoal Based Composition and Method for Reducing Hangover Symptoms Associated with the Consumption of Alcohol Containing Beverages

patent#: US 6827932

Now I've eaten my share of disgusting things when drunk, but I've never stooped so low as to put rocks and burnt wood in my mouth. Apparently, it would have done me some good. Next time I have a beer, I'll have to remember to do an ashtray shot.

Raymond, Manoj, and Thomas, inventors of this magical elixir, bravo and cheers to you.

filed under Drinking
more | comments (3)
posted on 12/7/2004, patent issued on 12/7/2004

Beer Bottle-Like Musical Speaker

patent#: US D498228

Placing electronics in a bottle of beer,
Is patently a bad idea.
It will be recycled by a profiteer,
or thrown out a window by a soused bomardier.

filed under Drinking
more | comments (0)
posted on 11/9/2004, patent issued on 11/9/2004

Stand Accessory Holder

patent#: US 6802484

At last, you can conveniently smoke and drink while speaking in front of a large group of people. As a stand-up comedian I applaud these inventors. This is a dream dream come true for many fast-living comics and musicians around the world..

filed under Smoking, Drinking
more | comments (3)
posted on 10/12/2004, patent issued on 10/12/2004

Timed Drinking Vessel

patent#: US 6747918

An invention like this could only come from Milwaukee, the spiritual homeland of American beer. Never drink too fast (or too slow) again!

filed under Drinking
more | comments (2)
posted on 6/8/2004, patent issued on 6/8/2004

Cane

patent#: US 6745785

This is a walking cane that has not one, not two, but THREE FLASKS built into it. Bravo! At last, an invention to address the needs of elderly and handicapped alcoholics.

filed under Drinking, Mobility
more | comments (2)
posted on 6/8/2004, patent issued on 6/8/2004