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The perfect gift for your least favorite Republican?

This bird costume for sportsmen^* features feather patterns, a birdlike shape, and a detachable tail, all the all the accoutrements necessary for a Vice-Presidential facelift. And like all quaity outergarments, it's reversible– Canada goose on one side, snow goose on the other. Hmm, should I go to the costume party as an extra in Winged Migration or as Bjork?

*sportsmen of course being defined here as "anyone who seeks to gain proximity access to game birds" as opposed to the traditional definition "one who engages in sports"

filed under Hunting & Fishing, Birds
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posted on 5/31/2006, patent issued on 5/2/2006

Fishing Game Device

patent#: US 6929543

Capitalizing on the Bass fishing phenomenon sweeping the nation, a new contender in the novelty game controller industry has arrived. There have been many experimental game controllers over the years... the Duck Hunt Gun, the Power Pad, Robbie the Robot. They have come, and they have gone (because they are lame).

The flaw of previous novelty controllers was the expense: you need the game, the controller and a system. The prices add up. At least this fishing rod is an all-inclusive game, controller and system. The rod hooks right into your television (no pun intended).

filed under Hunting & Fishing, Video Games
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posted on 8/24/2005, patent issued on 8/16/2005

Deer Stomp Simulator

patent#: US 6889466

Oh, hunting. What other socially-acceptable excuse is there for one head out into the great outdoors and indulge oneself with an afternoon of tree climbing and simulated hoof stomping?

Yes, the Pythons have their coconut shells, while Michigan inventor Bruce Randall Hamlet has his "blunt for selectively striking the ground."

Why stomp? As the inventor points out "stomping can occur as a form of communication which can provide a male the opportunity to encounter a female for the purpose of mating." For he who hath heavy feet shall never bear a heavy heart.

(Hear me talk about this and other Patently Silly patents on the BBC .)

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 3/29/2006, patent issued on 5/10/2005

Method for Producing a Less Lethal Projectile

patent#: US 6862995

A less lethal projectile? Aww, you shouldn't have. Now I'm only bleeding internally.

filed under Hunting & Fishing
more | comments (2)
posted on 4/19/2005, patent issued on 3/8/2005

Holder to Use Recently Killed Fowl as Decoys

patent#: US 6857215

Perfect for hunting necrophiliac birds.

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 4/4/2005, patent issued on 2/22/2005

Holder to Use Recently Killed Fowl as Decoys

Binary Exploding Target, Package Process and Product

patent#: US 6848366

Gun patents often intrigue me. I think it's because so many are geared towards making the hunting experience accessible to the lazy.

This is a patent on an exploding target. You shoot it, it blows up, you know you've got a hit. The thing is, you have to mix the volatile chemicals and prepare the target first. Better do the lab work before cracking open the six-pack.

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 3/14/2005, patent issued on 2/1/2005

Golf Ball Fishing Lure

patent#: US D498287

Reel in the golfin' dolphin.

filed under , Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 11/9/2004, patent issued on 11/9/2004

Devices, Apparatuses and Methods for Mounting Accessories to Weapons Including a Scent Generating Device

patent#: US 6810614

Who says men don't like to accessorize? They just do it in the woods where no one can see them...

Load up your gun with flashlights, cameras, or even some perfume! Just don't forget the bullets.

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 11/2/2004, patent issued on 11/2/2004

Automatic Cocking Device in a Crossbow for Hunting and Archery

patent#: US 6799566

Auto-cocking just sounds like a dirty word to me. I can imagine the ads, "My arms and fingers used to be sore from all that manual cocking. I'm sure thankful for my auto-cocker."

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 10/5/2004, patent issued on 10/5/2004

Automatic Cocking Device in a Crossbow for Hunting and Archery

Taxidermy Head Mannequin and Mouth Assembly

patent#: US 6799974

Thankfully, there are people out there who still care enough to make taxidermy "more efficient."

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 10/5/2004, patent issued on 10/5/2004

Fishing Lure

patent#: US D496090

I don't understand some of these fishing lures. This one looks like an S&M Ken doll.

But why the human form? Is the strategy behind this one to bait the fish with the promise of fulfilling some kind of twisted revenge fantasy? As if there's some poor trout down there who lost his family to a retiree in Idaho, busting out with Merchant of Venice soliloquys:

"If you hook us do we not bleed? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?"

He demands a pound of human flesh just as the lure comes down...

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 9/14/2004, patent issued on 9/14/2004

Hunter's Chair

patent#: US 6755466

From what I've learned while sifting through patents, hunting is a waiting game. You head out to the woods, set yourself up behind a nice blind, sit, and wait... for hours, days... however long it takes for a animal to foolishly wander into your mortality-enabling range.

Besides the fearsome creatures of the forest (ie., other drunks with guns), modern day hunting has another, more insidious danger -- lower back pain caused by so much sitting and waiting. Enter US Patent #6,755,466. From now on pack guns, ammo, and a little lumbar support.

What's the difference between this and ordinary office chair? Easy now, you little skeptic, don't you see the camouflage?

filed under Hunting & Fishing
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posted on 7/25/2005, patent issued on 6/29/2004