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Combination Handcuff Key and Writing Instrument

patent#: US 6880369

Pardon me warden, could I borrow your pen?

filed under Law & Order
more | comments (5)
posted on 11/2/2005, patent issued on 4/19/2005

Combination Handcuff Key and Writing Instrument

Mobile Bulletproof Personnel Shield

It seems like new bullets are patented all the time, so it's good to finally see some new armor. GO DEFENSE!

The shield consists of a bulletproof fabric covering, stretched over a frame. What a great idea! It's just the kind of thing a gangsta-rapper could use while camping in the Catskills. Sean John pup tent anyone?

Although the range of the shield seems limited by its use of wheels, the inventor points out that due to handicapped access laws, most public buildings are now accessible by ramps and elevators. So that's what those laws were really for... Expect to see these bad boys in use at upcoming Social Security-reform protests.

Coming soon to a police department (or serial killer) near you.

filed under Law & Order
more | comments (3)
posted on 3/7/2005, patent issued on 1/25/2005

Lawsuit Board Game

patent#: US 6805351

To survive in the litigious society that is the 21st Century United States, every citizen needs to know a few things about the legal system. While NBC's Law and Order may be enough for most of us, what about the children?

Enter the Lawsuit Board Game.

This game unabashedly introduces kids to the realities of being a legal eagle, including:

crippling law school debt;
outrageous hourly fees;
filling your office with expensive and intimidating leather bound books;
product-liability cash cows;
and the hazy definition of "emotional distress."

filed under Law & Order,
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posted on 10/19/2004, patent issued on 10/19/2004

Device for Determining and Characterizing Noises Generated By Mastication of Food

patent#: US 6792324

Apparently, crispiness is a coveted property in snack foods, but it's not cost-effective to actually have people chew it to test it out. This inventor has created an artificial head to do the chewing, complete with it's own built-in microphone, for the objective science of crispology.

filed under Law & Order
more | comments (0)
posted on 9/14/2004, patent issued on 9/14/2004

Law & Order