Patently Silly :: Archives :: Health & Hygiene

Ah, life without ozone, how my white skin loves it. From whence came this garment?

"There is a need in the art for an easy to use, easy to carry form of sun protection which blocks harmful UV rays to the entire area of skin a user wishes to protect, while allowing a user to see, talk, and breathe easily. "

The need has been heard and it has been addressed! I love it, it's a doo-rag meets turban, meets Klan hood. You're bound to raise a few eyebrow and trigger a few flight-or-flight responses looking like this Taliban supremacist from the 'hood. It's the Ghostface Killah!

filed under Skin, Hats
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posted on 6/22/2006, patent issued on 5/30/2006

Backscratcher with a Telescopically Adjustable Shaft and with a Plurality of Screw-on Attachment End Pieces

patent#: US 6830552

Attachments include: a pointing hand, pointy teeth, a toothbrush, a mirror, a pen, a fork, a spoon, a Phillips screwdriver, a magnet, and an alligator clip, and a "business card holder".

(Everything in case your back needs to be scratched, cleaned, groomed, written on, eaten off of, opened up, attached to an electrical circuit, or introduced at a party).

filed under Skin
more | comments (14)
posted on 12/14/2004, patent issued on 12/14/2004

Roller Tool for Applying Sunscreen Lotion to One's Own Back

patent#: US D497451

The worlds of skin care and home decoration have become even more intertwined. I'm sure it works and makes sense, but what of the humbling admission of reliance on your fellow human being to "get your back?" How can you use this on the beach without confronting a sad state of loneliness?

filed under Skin
more | comments (8)
posted on 10/19/2004, patent issued on 10/19/2004

Roller Tool for Applying Sunscreen Lotion to One's Own Back

Novelty Bar of Soap Having Low Cost Electro-Mechanical Vibrating Assembly

patent#: US 6802819

Soap has gotten dirty.

I don't know what it is with turning every object into vibrators. It seems to be a trend in patents: Take an object that already exists, make it vibrate, get a patent on it.

filed under Skin, Dildos and Vibrators
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posted on 10/12/2004, patent issued on 10/12/2004

Device and Method That Generates a Fog Capable of Altering the Color of Human Skin

patent#: US 6802830

This invention just seems so creepy and wrong. It's like Steven King meets the Holocaust. I can hear a Nazi soldier in my nightmares shouting:

"Take off your clothes and step into zee shower! Zere iz nuzzing to fear, vee just vant to make sure you have an even tan wizzout exposure to harmful UV radiation."

Brr. Gives me the shivers.

filed under Skin
more | comments (2)
posted on 10/12/2004, patent issued on 10/12/2004

Device and Method That Generates a Fog Capable of Altering the Color of Human Skin

Arm Shades

patent#: US 6775844

The ozone layer is disappearing, and we have no options but to shield our bodies with ridiculous looking accessories. First came those ugly, infomercial sunglasses. Now we have arm shades. Are these really that different from sleeves?

filed under Skin, Cars
more | comments (3)
posted on 8/17/2004, patent issued on 8/17/2004

Foot-Tanning Device

patent#: US D494277

filed under Skin
more | comments (4)
posted on 8/10/2004, patent issued on 8/10/2004

Skin

Sun Mask Towel

patent#: US 7051371