Patently Silly :: Archives :: Health & Hygiene

Ornamental and Utilitarian Toothpick Extension

patent#: US 6848453

This toothpick holder was patented with the fervent prayer that "use of toothpicks might provide a further basis for personal ornamentation." Great. Another place to flash some Bling.

In ten years, popular music inspired fashion has "evolved" from grungy, thrift-store plaid shirts to diamond encrusted toothpick extensions. Puff Daddy's oral hygiene supplies could feed and clothe Nirvana for a year.

filed under Teeth
more | comments (7)
posted on 3/14/2005, patent issued on 2/1/2005

Ornamental and Utilitarian Toothpick Extension

Brushing Behavior Reinforcement Toothbrush and Enclosed Electronic Game Switch with Grid

patent#: US 6850167

Brush your teeth correctly and you get to play a game on a toothbrush-sized LCD screen! In the age of Playstation 2 and X-Box, how could this possibly entertain anyone? I mean, you could improve oral hygiene more effectively by giving the kid a lollipop after they brush their teeth.

On the other hand, a mini-Tamagotchi pet that dies if you don't brush...

filed under Teeth
more | comments (2)
posted on 3/14/2005, patent issued on 2/1/2005

Travel Toothbrush with Dental Cream Included

patent#: US 6793433

Not exactly a breakthrough in toothbrush technology, but I noticed something unusual in the text of this patent. Religious fundamentalists will be happy to know that the separation of church and state is not a big deal when it comes to the Patent Office. In this case, the father of invention is the Big Guy in the Sky. Inventor Juan David Giraldo offers his praise:

"I thank God for giving me the opportunity to create this invention for the well being of humanity."

It took Him seven days to invent the world and probably not much longer to come up with this handy travel toothbrush. The Dead Sea Scrolls revealed this previously unknown passage from Exodus:

"Yahweh appeared before Moses at Mount Sinai three times. On the third time Moses offered Him a breath mint. And God wept."

filed under Teeth
more | comments (8)
posted on 6/7/2005, patent issued on 9/21/2004

Travel Toothbrush with Dental Cream Included

High-Pressure Water-Spray Device for Cleaning Teeth

patent#: US 6783505

This man looks like he lives a high-pressure lifestyle: he is bald; he squints; he has small, malformed ears. The poor fellow doesn't even have the time it to commit to a thorough dental regimen. That's right, he is not a brusher. He is a hoser.

filed under Teeth
more | comments (8)
posted on 8/31/2004, patent issued on 8/31/2004

Chewable Toothbrush

patent#: US 6769828

There once was a man named Drew,
Who bought a toothbroush he knew he could chew.
If the directions he'd followed,
He wouldn't have swallowed.
So back up, the toothbrush, he threw.

filed under Teeth
more | comments (7)
posted on 8/3/2004, patent issued on 8/3/2004