Patently Silly :: Archives :: Clothes

Jumpsuit for a Woman and Method of Use

patent#: US 6944883

Could this be the first lesbian in a patent illustration? I'm not saying you can judge a person's sexuality by their appearance, but this lady sure bears a resemblance to a former gym teacher of mine, Ms. Butch Van Straponstein.

In this steamy series of illustrations we see this line-drawn vixen demonstrate this jumpsuit. (Parachuting femmes will no doubt rejoice to finally have a jumpsuit desgined for a woman's anatomical needs. Could there be anything more awkward than struggling to take a leak in a men's jumpsuit while approaching the earth at terminal velocity?)

You've got to love this lady. She's tough, she's sexy, and she's not afraid to bare her ass to the US Patent Office.

filed under Pants, X-Games
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posted on 9/22/2005, patent issued on 9/20/2005

Fractal Jean Manufacturing

patent#: US 6807456

Fashion gets mathematical.

Actually math has been part of the clothing industry for centuries. It appears in geometrical design patterns, the routine algebra calculations of the tailor, and the presence of the Golden Ratio on the faces of supermodels. Now the relatively recent discovery of fractal geometry has made it to the runway, thanks to computers and lasers. Expect to hear things like:

Dude, did you just spill chaos theory on your pants?

filed under Pants, Math
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posted on 10/19/2004, patent issued on 10/19/2004

Pants with One or More Zippers on the Rear Thereof

patent#: US 6789269

Let's face it, we've pushed the limits of butt-cheek exposure with pants as we know them. Luckily, fashion evolves quickly. These pants have zippers carefully designed to slyly reveal one cheek at a time. Didn't Prince invent these?

filed under Pants, Attraction
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posted on 9/14/2004, patent issued on 9/14/2004

Pants with One or More Zippers on the Rear Thereof